The power of clear positive requests

“If you do what you always did, you’ll get what you always got”.

I remember when I first heard that phrase. It seemed so blindingly obvious that it was almost frustrating. Yet I realise that both I and my clients often are stuck in repeating loops of behaviour, wanting something to change magically and forgetting that the most powerful way to initiate change is to do something yourself.

I see clients who are very clear what they want from a loved one, boss, colleague, family member, etc and yet feel unable to articulate it due to a 'saboteur' voice which locks them down into inaction.

The voice focuses on everything that might go wrong or that justifies staying silent. Timeless classics like “I shouldn’t have to say” or “It’ll cause an argument” or “I’ll get in trouble”.

Mostly these are just excuses. Whilst you can always find a reason not to do something, you can always find a reason to do something too. So it becomes whether you’re prepared to tolerate not having what you want.

Clear, positive requests are very powerful. Saying what you want to happen can literally change the world around you.

Human nature tends to be to give the opposite however. Typically we focus on the negative behaviour that we want to stop, rather than the positive behaviour we want to replace it with.

There was a study which examined the effects of positive versus negative requests. When people asked to carry full glasses of water were told “don’t spill it” then often did so. When told to “carry it carefully” the results were dramatically different, with a marked increase in success.

When you’ve decided that you want to bring about a change in your life, a relationship or at work, think about what it is that you or someone else needs to do differently. If it’s someone else that needs to change then the best way to bring this about is to make a clear and positive request.

That person then gets to choose if they will, and at least they know exactly what you want. You then can negotiate or make other decisions depending on the outcome.

Think about a change that you want to make in your life today – and go and make that powerful clear and positive request!

Enjoy your actions!